I hate myself.. Tonight I suddently doing things that I’d promised to myself that I’ll not gonna do them anymore..

The old things came up on my head just now.. it made me sad .. it made me crazy ..

And why why ohh why you left me almost dead in here… why don’t you pick up my calls.. ?? why don’t you answer my pm?? aarrghh?? just let me know if i’d done anything wrong to you !! please..

Duhh … I don’t know why I still keep thinking about her… I love her like…forever..and that is bad. .. huhu ..

I ever fall in love twice in my life. First during my campus life, and second,
after finish all my studies, about 2 years ago. It’s not surprised why those can’t work. They’re actually women. As myself. But I’m not regret it at all because, it taught me a lot of thing. Patient, Sadness, Tears, Stupidity, Excitement, Desperation, and a lot more. Those even lead me for doing a few stupid things too. Really. But I don’t want such things happen. I’d never had such physical relationship with woman too. I swear. Seriously. But, I still hardly fall in love with men around me though. I don’t have many single guys friend. A man try to propose me once, but maybe too long to wait my decision, he’s gone. Good because if he’s still waiting, he might get my word maybe in 2-3 years from now. And there’s a man too, married, but no way he could fall in love with me because I’m not more than a toy. And there’s someone too, a good friend of mine, but he’s not more than a friend-to-share-all-kind-of-feeling. See, that’s all. I don’t know what else can I do because I am just I am. But, that doesn’t means I don’t like guys. I’m a woman, an adult. So I know what really can please me. So now, I live as usual, work, home, sleep, eat, and work. I have a few plans after this:

- Quit job, travelling and experiences for other life.
- Quit job, back to family.
- Give all my money to my family, and ‘gone’.

These are not plan for today, but maybe 2-3 months after this, or someday around this year. Sounds like give up already but, I don’t know what else to do.

Au revoir !

just some last nite stuff.. i was bored.. lol

these pics of Marjorie and McKey are from the Fierce Eyes Just Above Water photoshoot !

i’ll do some for Lauren Brie and Clark later ..

the original photo is here :

it’s Anna-Maria Urajevskaya ..

another crush  song ..

before, i was in crush with the crush by Jennifer Paige,
then, crush again, by Mandy Moore, and now, yeah .. again.. in crush
with this new song by David Archuleta (American Idol finalist)..

love the song. ..and Archie is super cute !

you can download the song here

i dedicate this song to people who i already gave this song but end up by givin me a job..lol

here is the lyric,

I hung up the phone tonight
Something happened for the first time deep inside
It was a rush, what a rush

Cause the possibility
That you would ever feel the same way about me
It’s just too much, just too much

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I’ve just got to know

Do you ever think when you’re all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?
Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
Cause I try and try to walk away
But I know this crush ain’t goin’ awayyyy
Goin’ awayyyy

Has it ever cross your mind
When we’re hanging, spending time girl, are we just friends?
Is there more, is there more?

See it’s a chance we’ve gotta take
Cause I believe that we can make this into something that will last
Last forever, forever

ANTM (America’s Next Top Model) cycle 11 will comin up this 3rd September !! yey !! the premiere episode will be 2 hours ….

i already have some fav contestants base on tyra’s review for each of them, and their profile pictures.

and here it is, the Group shot, with tyra as the goddess…duhhh..

my pre-show fav was (might change once the show start)

1. Marjorie – (short blonde hair, next to Ms J – France maliii)
2. Elina – (dark long hair, next to Mr Jay – Ukraine maliii)
3. Clark – (the 2nd one, from the right of you, sit – US malii..ahahh)

and the rest of the girls are, from your left, standing

Nakeysha, Samantha, Elina, Joslyn, McKey, Analeigh, Sheena (asian looking), Marjorie, Isis (transgendered)

and who sit, from left,

Brittany, Hannah, Clark, Lauren, Sharaun (lying)

for more details for this, u can check out this blog , beware of some spoilers posted .. lol ..